Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
