This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
