Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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