Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
