So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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