Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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