All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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