Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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