i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
