some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
