The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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