I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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