I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
