I think I died a long time ago.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
