You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize