she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
