Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
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