i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
