And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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