Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
