last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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