Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Im part way to drunk.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Dicks are not precious.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize