dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
