Why are handjobs necessary in class?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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