I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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