my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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