My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
