Please, let me fuck your mom
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
You are a genius and a whore.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
