I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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