Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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