my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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