I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
