Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Randomize