She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
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