Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
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