my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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