thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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