I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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