dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
