i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
