Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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