You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
