I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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