The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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