I just saw a hot homeless man
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
