the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You were trust falling into bushes
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
