haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
