I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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