Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
