He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
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