no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
