I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I touched a dick in church today
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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