So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
