Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
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