new low.... made out with someone while peeing
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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