When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
