Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
