help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
