She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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