Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
