Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
