respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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