thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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