i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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