How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
