I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
