Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
